S1: Episode #1 – Come on in! (Transcript)

Intro – Arrgh! Do you wish there was something better to listen to on that AWFUL commute to work or that tedious temper tantrum filled school run? LOOK NO FURTHER and listen to A Game of Two Halves…


Dylan – Hello and my name is Dylan and welcome to a brand spanking new episode and brand spanking new show of a game of two halves, episode one. We are the feature filled, entertainment, comedy – hopefully, comedy, podcast.


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – Do I get a look-see in yet?


Dylan – You do yeah. You can speak now yeah.


Kirsty – Oh okay thank you.


Dylan – Carry on – (laughs)


Kirsty – Hello, my name is Kirsty, and I am Dylan’s co-host, even though he was very rude and didn’t introduce me. Just saying.


Dylan– (whispers) And girlfriend.


Kirsty – Exactly, so show more respect, boy!


Both – Laugh


Dylan – So in today’s show we have jam pack, jam pack?


Kirsty – Jam pack. This is going so well!


Dylan – Jam pack… We have a jam-packed, filled show, loads of things happening tell us what is happening


Kirsty – STUFFED!


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Absolutely, it actually is! Totally stuffed.


Kirsty – So we have got Kirsty versus Dylan, that I am going to win! Of course.


Dylan – Absolutely, so that is the segment we are going to start fairly soon, probably the next 5/10 seconds or so, once I have finished ranting. Well, it isn’t really a rant, but basically, Kirsty versus Dylan is as it says on the tin. We go head to head on a trivia thing…


Kirsty – Wow!


Dylan – It could be (Laughs)


Kirsty – So we have basically created, well original game shows with a bit of a twist, because we don’t want to take away from the original. We have turned them into our own and yeah I am gonna whoop!


Dylan – Yeah, so this is the section where we call, what we have mentioned before Kirsty Versus Dylan.


JingleKirsty Verus Dylan


Dylan – So we would like to introduce you to our brand new game…


Kirsty – Well brand new…is it? Is it though?


Dylan – (Pause)… Yes.


Both – Laugh


Dylan – It absolutely is, never played it before on any other podcast, ever.


Kirsty – I feel like that is a lie.


Dylan – What is it, Kirsty?


Kirsty – it’s Relation Wealth!


Dylan – You just had to sing the song, didn’t you?


Kirsty – Yeah


Dylan – It isn’t even a song, like do you realise?


Kirsty – I am gonna make it happen!


Dylan – We have our own jingle, here it is.


Jingle – Relation wealth


Kirsty – BOOM


Both – Laugh


Dylan – That is so much better than your relation wealth.


Kirsty – No it’s not


Dylan – Anyway so, I would like to do the honours of reading out the rules, if you don’t want to listen to them then skip 20 seconds or visit our website.


Kirsty – It will also be on our website


Dylan – Which is www.gameoftwo.com… So rules; There are 3 rounds per person.


Kirsty – Erm, you missed the top bit…Points Mean Prizes!


Dylan – Oh, I am so sorry, Points Means Prizes


Kirsty – woo woo


Dylan – Interrupt me again and you are off the show!


Kirsty – Gasps


Dylan –  (Laughs). So, Points Means Prizes. There are 3 rounds per person. 1 Question per round with 5 possible answers. It is typical family…feud err… Relation Wealth!


Kirsty – Relation wealth!! Stop it!


Dylan – Nothing to do or endorsed by Family Feud or Family Fortunes whatsoever, we didn’t even get the idea from them, to be honest.


Kirsty – Absolutely not!


Dylan – We are not reading from cards that say Family Fortunes on the back.


Kirsty – No


Dylan – It is just a figment of my imagination.


Kirsty – Dylan!

Dylan – 3 questions in total with a possible 15 answers. The maximum amount of Points that can be won is 18 (except for spot prizes). Each Correct Answer will be worth 1 Point, if you get a correct answer you will hear this noise…


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – Whoop whoop whoop


Dylan – And if you answer incorrectly you will hear this noise….


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – You get 3 lives, once you answer incorrectly, you lose 1 life, it is as simple as that. Once you have lost all 3 lives, that round ends and you will move to the next round. Any spot prizes you win can instantly be redeemed for 1 Point, or you can trade it in for an extra life for that round, if there are no more answers left, it has to be redeemed for 1 point on the spot. Lives and extra lives do not carry over to the next round.


Kirsty – Terms and conditions apply


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Absolutely. So who is going first?


Kirsty – I don’t know


Dylan – Should I go?


Kirsty – Eenie Meenie miney mo, yeah you go!


Dylan – Wow that is such a good thing. Right… so… eyes down, thinking caps on


Kirsty – We aren’t playing bingo!


Dylan -Who says thinking caps on to play bingo? You don’t have to think in bingo!


Kirsty – Excuse me


Dylan – Oh my god it is a game that you don’t have to think about.


Kirsty – Have you tried marking three books at once?


Dylan – Shhh…Shhh… Shhh… We asked 100 people to name… that is not copyright


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Name something you see in a wild west movie.


Kirsty – Cowboy


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – Saloon


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Kirsty – Horse


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – Running out of things.


Dylan – Well you have, did you say cowboy and horse?


Kirsty – I absolutely did.


Dylan – This is going so well because I can’t remember how many times you have answered wrongly.


Kirsty – Once


Dylan – I should have wrote this down, Okay I will take your word for it. So you have two lives left.


Kirsty – (Sings) Western, western, western… mmmm… that is my thinking tune.


Dylan – I am gonna have to impose a time limit, I am joking by the way.


Kirsty – What about…


Dylan – I am not going to do that


Kirsty – Thank you

Dylan – (Whispers) But hurry up though…


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – What else, I don’t really watch westerns… GUN


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Oh my god, top answer!


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – What about like tumbleweed?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – One more life remaining, so you got guns, which is the top answer you have horses which is the third answer and cowboys, what are… is your next guess? You have one chance, that’s it, think carefully.


Kirsty – Think carefully? I don’t watch westerns.


Dylan – Neither do I, but you still have to think carefully!


Kirsty – It’s not like a cowboy hat


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – So that is game over for you, unfortunately.


Kirsty – For that round


Dylan for that round yes for that round


Kirsty – Thank you


Dylan – Listen if I want this to be game over this will be game over you can adjust that when we are done


Kirsty – You can’t even keep count of the points.


Dylan – I don’t care. So the top answer which you got was guns, you then got the second answer which was cowboys and the third answer which was horses. Did you even say, cowboys?


Kirsty – Yes I said, cowboys!


Dylan – Okay, so the fourth answer you were missing was Indiana.


Kirsty – Oh my god!


Dylan – And the fifth answer was gun fight.


Kirsty – Oh my god!


Dylan – So you have a three out of a possible five.


Kirsty – I have marked that down for you!


Dylan – Write that down, that’s wonderful. Are you ready for your second round?


Kirsty – Absolutely.




Dylan – So, we asked 100 people to name… A reason why you might have…. I am so sorry we will start that again.




Kirsty – Laugh


Dylan – Name a reason.. Laughs.. And again we will start that again…




Dylan – we asked 100 people to name… a reason you might have your photo taken


Kirsty – erm… School photo?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Sadly not


Kirsty – Passport


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Top answer


Kirsty – Driving licence


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – So stuff you need your photo taken for…


Dylan – Yes, so we have passport which is top answer, sigh, this is hard work, driving licence which was the fourth answer.


Kirsty – Family photo?


Dylan – hmmm… No


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Kirsty – I swear to god if one of them is similar, you are going to get knocked out. One more guess.


Dylan – Absolutely one more guess.


Kirsty – I don’t like my photo taken so I would never have it done.


Dylan – Well think about it so passport and driving licence are legal documents, right?


Kirsty – Right


Dylan – So, I better get a hint mind on my go!


Kirsty – is it like bus pass


Dylan – is that your answer?


Kirsty – Yes


Dylan – Too late that is your answer. Sadly not.


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – So top answer passport, the second answer was a wedding photo


Kirsty – Oh my god!


Dylan – Third was for a model shoot, fourth driving licence and fifth memories.


Kirsty – I swear to…


Dylan – No that isn’t the same as a family photo so don’t even start.


Kirsty – So a wedding photo isn’t a family photo?


Dylan – Actually no, it is for a specific, too specific to be family


Kirsty – Okay


Dylan – You lose, two points please. That is five in total.


Kirsty – I have marked that down.


Dylan – I am glad you have. Are you ready for your third round?


Kirsty – Yes


Dylan – Third and final round, here we go…




Dylan – So, we asked 100 people to name… a creature with a large mouth


Both – Laugh


Dylan – It’s not meant to be funny, Kirsty


Kirsty – A lion


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Sadly not


Kirsty – A whale

*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Absolutely


Kirsty – Ermm.. a shark


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Absolutely


Kirsty – Crocodile


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Absolutely, I should be on my own game show; I will just ding a buzzer and say absolutely. Still haven’t got the top answer though, which I am really surprised about. Right stop wasting time


Kirsty – I am thinking!


Dylan – I can hear the cogs turning!


Kirsty – I know right


Dylan – *clicks his tongue*


Kirsty – That is a clock


Dylan – I don’t care, it is still relevant.


Kirsty – Stop distracting me.


Dylan – *SIGH* hurry up


Kirsty – I am thinking! A snake?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Nope sadly not


Kirsty – Well they can unhinge their jaw, just saying.


Dylan – Well it isn’t on the card if you have a problem take it up with family fortune… err relation wealth.


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Les Dennis, complain to him.


Kirsty – What about, I don’t know, Rhino?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – One more attempt


Kirsty – No that was it


Dylan – No, no you’ve, no


Kirsty – I got three wrong answers


Dylan – No you haven’t you have got two wrong answers


Kirsty – I will take another go that’s fine but I have given three wrong answers


Dylan – Well I am not keeping track very well so, I believe you have only answered incorrectly twice.


Kirsty – Okay well… I am sure I said Lion


Dylan – Oh so you did yeah. Oh okay so it is game over for you.


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – I just wanted to throw that one in for you just to rub it in.


Kirsty – Thanks


Dylan – Top answer was a hippo


Kirsty – I was gonna say hippo rather than rhino


Dylan – You got shark which is the second most popular answer, you got Whale, fourth answer was a crocodile and the fifth answer was a frog.


Kirsty – Frog?


Dylan – A frog, yes, if you think about it, that is right. Don’t argue. I didn’t write these anyway so you can’t argue with me. So that brings your total to 7 out of a possible 15, that’s isn’t bad going that, to be honest.


Kirsty – 7? 8!


Dylan – no it is 7


Kirsty – 8!


Dylan – no it’s not! You got guns, cowboys and horses, which is 3. You got passport and driving licence, which is 5. And then you got shark and whale which is 7.


Kirsty – No, Shark, whale and crocodile


Dylan – Did you get crocodile did you?


Kirsty – Yes!


Dylan – When did that happen?


Kirsty – Oh my god! I got 8!


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Oh my god, I am winding you up, man. You are so competitive.


Kirsty – Yes!


Dylan – there is just no need for it!


Kirsty – Anyway, your turn.


Dylan – yes, absolutely




Kirsty – And now the roles reverse, bish. Right!


Dylan – Oh dear


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – You sounded like you were in pain, I promise I wasn’t touching him!


Dylan – I am, and you did!


Kirsty – Okay so, we asked 100 people… name something you put on a pavlova.


Dylan – What on earth is a pavlova? A cake?


Kirsty – It is like meringue


Dylan – Cream


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Woohoo! Strawberries?


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – Top answer!


Dylan – Woohoo! Lemon


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Peach?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Kirsty – Last chance


Dylan – So can you explain what a pavlova looks like?


Kirsty – It is basically meringue with cream and fruit on top


Dylan – Right


Kirsty – You don’t like meringue so you are at a bit of a disadvantage


Dylan – I know. Raspberries


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Get in!


Kirsty – Fourth answer


Dylan – Right. I have strawberries, I have cream and I have raspberries. What was the other one I got?


Kirsty – That was it, you have only got three.


Dylan – I thought I got four?


Kirsty – No, you got two wrong answers


Dylan – Arwww sorry. Strawberries, cream, raspberries. Chocolate?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Damn!


Kirsty – No. So the third answer that you were missing was kiwi fruit. And the fifth was passion fruit.


Dylan – I wouldn’t have said that.


Kirsty – I was going to give you a hint, that it is predominantly Australian but I thought that would be too much of a hint.


Dylan – Possibly, yeah so we’re even stevens in the first round versus the first round so…


Kirsty – Second round




Dylan – *laughs*


Kirsty – Okay, we asked 100 people to name something fluffy…


Dylan – *laughs* A cat


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – A dog


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – A rabbit


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – A bear


Kirsty – I’ll give you that


*Ding ding ding*


Dylan – Woohoo


Kirsty – It was teddy bear


Dylan – *laughs* So a cat, dog, rabbit, a teddy bear. What is fluffy? A mop


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Kirsty – You haven’t got the top answer


Dylan – Really? Oh my god! Those aren’t the top answers? Are you serious?


Kirsty – No, 100%


Dylan – How many guesses have I got left?


Kirsty – Two


Dylan – Oh my god, I can’t believe I don’t know what this top answer is. Is it something I know?


Kirsty – Yes


Dylan – Something that is well known?


Kirsty – Yes


Dylan – *Laughs*


Kirsty – It’s not like bigfoot


Dylan – *Laughs* I am assuming it is another animal


Kirsty – Can this be your hint if I say one way or another?


Dylan – Yes


Kirsty – Yes it is.


Dylan – Okay great


Kirsty – It is a living, breathing animal


Dylan – Is it like a monkey or a gorilla?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Kirsty – Last chance saloon


Dylan – I am probably going to kick myself because I am probably going to get it wrong and it is going to be such a simple thing. I am just scouting my records


Kirsty – Scouting your brain. If you look under ‘F’ for fluffy.


Dylan – *Laughs* You don’t want to look there.


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – Oh my god


Dylan – So I have said cat, dog, rabbit, and bear. The only thing I can think of that is potentially fluffy is like a hamster or a guinea pig


Kirsty – Which one would you like to use?


Dylan – Guinea pig


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Was it hamster? Don’t tell me it was hamster?


Kirsty – *Laughs* No it wasn’t it was a duck


Dylan – A duck?!


Both – Laugh


Dylan – Are you kidding me?


Kirsty – No


Dylan – That’s not… No way


Kirsty – A fluffy duckling


Dylan – Shut up a duck


Kirsty – Shut the front door


Dylan – *laughs* Shut the front door


Kirsty – You ready for round three?


Dylan – Yes, I am.




Kirsty – Okay, we asked 100 people name…. An excuse kids would give to not doing their homework


Dylan – The dog ate it


*Ding ding ding*


Kirsty – Top answer!


Dylan – I have actually used that one before


Kirsty – Oh my god!


Dylan – I forgot it


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – I lost it?


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – Really?


Kirsty – Yep


Dylan – I have totally used all of these excuses.


Both – Laugh


Dylan – It went in the washing machine or it was washed


*wahh wahh wahhhhhhh*


Dylan – You are joking me?!


Kirsty – So number 2 was sick, number 3 was too tired, number 4 was watching tv, and number 5 was it was already done or I already handed it in, your talking rubbish.


Dylan – Okay so don’t tell me I scored 8 the same as you


Kirsty – I can’t tell you how much you scored then.


Dylan – So it ia 8?


Kirsty – Yeah


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – We are tied


Dylan – OH my god


Kirsty – It is like the first ever time it has happened.


Dylan – So I can’t believe… Duck though?


Kirsty – Oh my life!


Dylan – I am sorry but no way, no way.


Kirsty – A little duckling? Right you need to google duckling when we are done this


Dylan – I know what a .. I am twenty-seven I know what a duck looks like.

Kirsty – Have you seen one in real life?

Dylan – Yes I have


Both – Laugh


Dylan – I am just going to have to accept it


Kirsty – You are just going to have to walk away from it with 8 points.


Jingle – *Kirsty’s Me time*


Kirsty – So this the part of the show where…


Dylan Kirsty’s me time, Kirsty’s me time


Kirsty – No we already have a jingle


Dylan Kirsty’s me time .com


Kirsty – Oh my god, that is not a thing


Dylan – It isn’t, well if that does exist though *LAUGHS* anyway, sorry carry on…


Kirsty – I was going to say this is MY part of the show, for me..


Dylan – I am very sorry


Kirsty – SO this is the part of the show where you get to learn a little about the hosts. SO this is about me and a little later on you will get to learn a little more about Dylan. So, I have kind of prepared little bits and pieces that I am sort of interested in and that kind of explains a little bit about myself. So, the first thing I kind of wanted to talk about in my little me time is someone that a lot of you might already know already as she has kind of a lot of followers on Instagram. She has just actually hit 2 million followers but is Sophie Hinchcliffe better known as Mrs Hinch. So, She mainly posts…


Dylan – Mrs Hinch


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – So she mainly posts cleaning stories and shows off her beautiful home and her dorgeous dog, Henry. She, like myself, suffers a lot with anxiety. Like I have always loved and enjoyed cleaning to help destress myself, and I just kind of thought it was just me. Like I was a bit weird. So it kind of made my heart swell a little bit when I realised it wasn’t just me and her it was like 2 million people sort of do it as a way to unwind. I was diagnosed about 2 years ago? With well it is called GAD – Generalised anxiety disorder. I think I have suffered from it like my whole life, in one way or another. This time last year was especially hard for me, and that was when I found Mrs Hinch on Instagram, she only joined, sort of February last year. I think I came across her in  August when I had some time off. Now I have my own Narnia, she calls her cleaning cupboards. I am always on the prowl for new products and things, which Dylan goes mad for but he does exactly the same. Like that 1001 snow for the carpet, you were like oooh there is a new scent…


Dylan – *laughs* Guilty


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – And I think there was one time I went into poundstretcher to get some pink stuff, and I couldn’t find it and you were like that’s not pink stuff and were a bit devastated, for me.


Dylan – well there is a difference between going in for some pink stuff and coming out with a bag of other shit.


Kirsty – *Laughs* I know right…. But the house is nice.


Dylan – *laughs* That’d be nice


Kirsty – I know..


Both – Laugh


Kirsty – So yeah, if you don’t already know about her, I would definitely have a look on Instagram for her. Have a look at her gorgeous, gorgeous dog, Henry and watch all of her stories and things. I think she is really good, bless her.


Dylan – So if you are listening, Mrs Hinch.. *Laughs*


Kirsty – Sophie


Dylan – Sorry wor Soph, if you wouldn’t mind giving us a shout out on your Hinch profile.


Kirsty – EEEE! The cheek!


Dylan – I am sorry but you are doing the exact same thing for Mrs Hinch.


Kirsty – No I am not!


Dylan – I am winding you up. Anyway, that would be nice if you could do that!


Kirsty – That’d be nice


Dylan – That’d be nice


Jingle – *Dylan’s Special time*


Kirsty – Dylan’s special time


Dylan – *Laughs* You had to go ruin it didn’t you?


Kirsty – Yeah


Dylan – Absolutely. So normally we would save this for interesting Tidbits or interesting tidbit. Yeah, so I just thought I would share it in Dylan’s special time, because wow, is all I can say. So, headline time, I am a poet and I didn’t even know it.


Kirsty – Oh my god


Dylan – Shut up! Let me have my moment of fame.


Both – Laugh


Dylan – So the headline is – Women gives birth to a black child and blames her husband for drinking too much coffee.


Kirsty – Oh my god, I have seen this!


Dylan – So in the university hospital of Valencia in Spain, where a young white woman, 24 years of age, gave birth to a 3.5kg child.


Kirsty – Jesus


Both – laugh


Kirsty – Sorry


Dylan – No it wasn’t Jesus


Kirsty – So in other news, that is 0.5kg less than the cat…


Dylan – That is wonderful, so it is a fat baby.


Kirsty – Laughs


Dylan – Contrary to the common sigh of relief and cry of happiness, everyone was amazed when the white woman gave birth to a black baby, while her white husband was present. Even if the husband is also white, the strange thing is the baby was born black. After the childbirth in the room, the young man asked the wife for an explanation. ‘I am not racist, I have nothing against other races but she has betrayed me ‘. She replied ‘ I have not betrayed you, you drink coffee day and night.’


Kirsty – Oh my god!


Dylan – The medical team initially thought that the baby was purple due to respiratory failure, but soon realised it was a happy and healthy black baby. They might even have a black relative in their family and the genetic mutation could have combined those genes that was not the case. Mystery, mystery, mystery. It is possible for two white people to have a black baby.


Kirsty – It is. Especially, if it is like they said they have it back in their genes somewhere. It can kind of skip generations and they all of a sudden pop!


Dylan – Yeah but I mean wow though! You just wouldn’t would you? It is your fault…


Kirsty – But does he put milk in his coffee?


Dylan – Well it doesn’t specify but I would assume he has black coffee. I mean that is totally the explanation, obviously! Why not?!


Kirsty – I mean like what planet? Would you… Like was she on a lot of drugs?


Dylan – Well I am not being funny, we eat a lot of Chinese, but if we had a baby we wouldn’t have a Chinese baby, would we?


Kirsty – I wouldn’t think so.


Dylan – *Laughs* I don’t know whether that is possible.


Kirsty – Like I don’t think eating copious amounts of salt and pepper chicken would change the ethnicity of a baby.


Dylan – *Laughs* Well neither is drinking coffee.


Both –  Laugh


Dylan – I think we should go on Mythbusters cause this is debunked.


Both –  Laugh


Jingle – *Inspiration collation*


Kirsty – SO at the end of not every show, a couple of shows, I don’t know we will see how we will, but we wanted to leave you with an inspiring quote or inspiring story.


Dylan – Yeah leave it on a high because there is too much negativity in the world and hopefully we can bring happiness and joy. *LAUGHS* To everyone who listens.


Kirsty – Oh.. I think I have just vomited a little bit in my mouth!


Dylan – Aww shut up!


Kirsty – *Laughs* So anyway the inspiring quote of the day is; Everyday may not be good, but there is good in every day.


Dylan – That is true


Kirsty – And I really like that.


Dylan – Thank you very much for taking the time to listen to us on our first show. We’ve had fun, hopefully, you’ve had fun. Just as a little side note, there is a lot of production and time and effort that goes into this, so if you can, just do us a bit of a favour and leave a comment, say hello, or leave a review if you are listening no matter where you are. We would really appreciate it.


Kirsty – yeah absolutely. Any feedback if you don’t think we are funny or if you think that Dylan should give me more time on the microphone. You know anything like that, that would be much appreciated.


Dylan – Excuse me, You should have restricted time on the microphone. You should say one thing if you are lucky.


Kirsty – ohhhh


Dylan – You should just be the button pusher.


Kirsty – Well as we learnt today, I can’t press the buttons hard enough!


Both – *Laugh*


Dylan – It is a good job, I am a good editor, just saying.


Kirsty – Anyway, on that note, thank you for listening and we will see you in the next one!


Dylan  – Absolutely


Outro –  It means the world to us that you’ve taken the time to listen to our show, if you want more, please subscribe on iTunes, if you have a few spare seconds to leave us a review, you will be forever in our hearts. Log on to www.gameoftwo.com for more of what you came here for…

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